sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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