The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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