Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
