all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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