I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
