Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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