her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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