just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
