Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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