Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
A+ Viking dick
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
