With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
