im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
