We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
