It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
