Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
