And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
