He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
