It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
