So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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