So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
