i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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