i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
