I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He passed out mid-signature
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
They have beer where we have blood.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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