Can i not drive my cunt home
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize