she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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