i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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