Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I need water and some morals
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
