It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize