I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
