If that was your dad, he is hot
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
