I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
