I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
