Just cropdusted the office
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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