You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
