I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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