i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
