I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
