The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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