So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
