oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
