what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
