my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
