just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
