I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize