party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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