I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
