What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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