I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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