Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
