Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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