she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it was like eating out sand paper
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize