Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
