dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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