I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
