guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The adults are the big ones right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
