i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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