i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
