thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
