i think my tv is drunk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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