Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
