Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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