My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
