happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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