those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
