escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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