Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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