He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
