I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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