I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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