i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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