Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
