sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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