we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
