Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
