guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
