im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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